Most of the time, I know what I need to do. There are times that I am not able to do what I know I need to. I struggle with the need to be prepared to assist others in what they ask of me. Fear grips my soul when I realize that I am trying to get someone else to stay on track and I am unable to do the same.
My abilty to practice my profession is hindered by my home life, what I’ve learned about modern socialization and, severe anxiety. These 3 hindrances are currently medically acceptable but, are nothing but excuses to me! My work ethic requires me to be something more than human; something extraordinary. I know this is impossible but, that makes no difference.
My home life consists of raising 6 of my sisters kids after mine have left home! her children are much younger than mine and I find I need the patience of a saint. I do have help from My mom but, We never get a break. At this point, my sisters eldest has been raised and left for the Army (a whole new stress!); so one is out and five more to go. The next eldest is about to turn 10, the youngest almost 3. We have them very active but, this means transportation. l have to keep their schedules as my own. 😇🚗🚘🚙
Modern socialization is purely electronic these days. I am uncomfortable with how people can socialize So easily Just by writing on a web page! If I am not face to face with an individual, I find it very difficult to keep focused. I am often late answering texts and comments on my page. I get distracted and lose focus on the conversation at hand. When I think about it a few days later, I find myself apologizing for not getting back to them sooner! 😕
I first noticed my anxiety When I was coming out of high school. I was hospitalized for stomach pain they couldn’t identify… that was also the beginning of my healing. I have struggled with solutions for myself, my daughter, my sister and my niece. There is some relief in certain medications but, the answer can only be found individually and within the lifestyle. I still struggle, especially socially. I am growing, though. 😩
My motivation lies in that struggle. It did something to me to walk out of the hospital with no answer! I carry with me a 40-year mistrust of the modern medical system. I also carry a passion for helping those that have the same awareness of the significant failures and faults of said system. Our society should be more advanced, medically, than countries that we see as inferior.
🪀… so, in retrospect, my struggle, my motivation, and my courage all stem from the same things. I encourage everyone to explore whatever makes them uncomfortable. It could lead you directly to your strengths!🪄