Starting again

Where some may find me insane, others find me heroic for beginning my masters degree at this time.

Please, allow me to give a little insight; I am currently one month away from being half a century in age, I have 5 children age 2 to 10 in my home, my childcare assistance has been revoked, I just bought a car to fit all of these children into safely and do not have income to cover monthly payments, and my computer crapped out on me.

Ok, now I believe myself to be insane!

I have always believed in doing things with my whole soul involved. I do not feel ready to do this but, I think the Universe has big plans for me!

I want to make a difference in the right way, not just in a big way. I’ve seen too much pain come out of addiction for so many, especially children. I have to be able to do something about this!

In my studies I want to better myself and better my chances of getting through to those that need my help. My responsibility to the children in my care and the parents trying to get help for their babies, this is what pushes me. I need to know that I can make a difference to a family. I need too know that difference will be beneficial to society as a whole.

With this being said, I begin my Masters in Psychology with a solid, heavy goal in mind. I will continue coaching and maintaining my guide status but, will be gaining insight on my clients in a different light. Mindset work is always fluid. Where the flow is taking me now, I only know what I want the feeling to be. I am able to make anything I want from this, and I want to spread my peace.

I will be sharing as much of my journey as I can here. I have no idea how much time I will have to dedicate to blogging when I must write whole papers!

Blessings to everyone… you are a gift 💝

I am a guide, not a guru

Most of the time, I know what I need to do. There are times that I am not able to do what I know I need to. I struggle with the need to be prepared to assist others in what they ask of me. Fear grips my soul when I realize that I am trying to get someone else to stay on track and I am unable to do the same.

My abilty to practice my profession is hindered by my home life, what I’ve learned about modern socialization and, severe anxiety. These 3 hindrances are currently medically acceptable but, are nothing but excuses to me! My work ethic requires me to be something more than human; something extraordinary. I know this is impossible but, that makes no difference.

My home life consists of raising 6 of my sisters kids after mine have left home! her children are much younger than mine and I find I need the patience of a saint. I do have help from My mom but, We never get a break. At this point, my sisters eldest has been raised and left for the Army (a whole new stress!); so one is out and five more to go. The next eldest is about to turn 10, the youngest almost 3. We have them very active but, this means transportation. l have to keep their schedules as my own. 😇🚗🚘🚙

Modern socialization is purely electronic these days. I am uncomfortable with how people can socialize So easily Just by writing on a web page! If I am not face to face with an individual, I find it very difficult to keep focused. I am often late answering texts and comments on my page. I get distracted and lose focus on the conversation at hand. When I think about it a few days later, I find myself apologizing for not getting back to them sooner! 😕

I first noticed my anxiety When I was coming out of high school. I was hospitalized for stomach pain they couldn’t identify… that was also the beginning of my healing. I have struggled with solutions for myself, my daughter, my sister and my niece.  There is some relief in certain medications but, the answer can only be found individually and within the lifestyle. I still struggle, especially socially. I am growing, though. 😩

My motivation lies in that struggle. It did something to me to walk out of the hospital with no answer! I carry with me a 40-year mistrust of the modern medical system. I also carry a passion for helping those that have the same awareness of the significant failures and faults of said system. Our society should be more advanced,  medically, than countries that we see as inferior.

🪀… so, in retrospect, my struggle, my motivation,  and my courage all stem from the same things.  I encourage everyone to explore whatever makes them uncomfortable.  It could lead you directly to your strengths!🪄

Some have it rough…

I’ve been through an enormous amount of pain and struggle. Mostly emotional. My physical strength was never challenged much, but emotionally, I have been to the max more times than I can say. Right now is no exception.

I am currently pushing through the challenge of stagnation in my career.

I’ve been content to just be a parent to my 7 children for the past 2 years, but I need more. The future is depending on my ability to maintain income and build a legacy. I am finding it very difficult to remain on-task when it comes to my profession. I thought it would be easier when school started. Now, there are about 2 months until school is out, and I’ve made very little progress, if any, in my profession. I have not acted on the advice given to me, and I have been withdrawing in my studies.

Like my lazy cat, I’m sleeping on my talents!

Let me be clear; I am not lazy, but any means, just clearly unmotivated.

I like to know exactly what I am doing before expecting others to trust me.

I guess I’m more unsure than unmotivated.

The challenge is actually not in the diagnosis of the situation, it’s in the reasoning. Getting over the temptation to create excuses is the tough part. Just like science; you can reason the guilt out of absolutely anything! Using what evidence you have to validate yourself is the most common science there is. There is nothing lazy about the reasoning, in fact, it takes more energy than one would think. That energy could be put to productive use with a bit more imagination.

This is my belief, anyway.

Putting my anxiety aside to face my fears and thrive seems a small price but, I am unable to pay it.

Toxicity

Your situation is unique to yourself. No one shares the same experience. Something toxic to one may be a simple challenge to another…. and a comfort to still another! We must learn to not generalize toxicity. This may actively generate guilt in others that don’t see it that way.

You dont know everything about someone else’s situation. Respecting the individual is honoring their unique situation without it involving you. Allowing the individual their experience without adding pressure is key to unbiased guidance.

There are certain situations that require immediate resolution and those that have to be more measured. Tact and thought are essential when dealing with individuals in situations outside of our control. Sometimes, the point of mystery is to activate the curiosity; not everything has to be figured out and definitely, not right away is a meaning seen. The mystery of the individual should remain just that. Each individual encounters many other individuals on their path. Each has a story, a past, a family history thats been passed down, a presence…. each individual is a unique situation upon encountering other unique situations as they walk. We can dive deeper into these situations or continue to only see the surface. It simply depends on what makes us curious enough to do so or not.

When facing challenges, our individual situations come into play to assist us through these situations. My own situation allows me to honor some things that society would find gruesome and disgusting. But I, in turn, find some things honored in our society gruesome and disgusting.

These differences are not only tolerable when kept private but, also necessary to relate to society as a whole. They are also necessary to create certain relationships that will benefit society as a whole and my personal family in general. No one is able to see such a relationship unless they look past what they’ve been told is abuse.

I know exactly what I can take and what I need to give up. I’ve done it many times throughout my life. Some things are painful to give up, even devastating. I know what is beneficial for my prosperity and what is detrimental. I am clairvoyant in that respect. Each of us has to learn this about ourselves. I learn quickly but, still have much to go through! Judging by what I have been through and what I have overcome, I know what toxic looks like. I also have antivenom in my soul.

The point of this writ is to say that judging others as toxic is another diagnostic prejudice that we could do without. Most people with mental disorders and conflicts cannot remain lucid enough to accept help as you see fit. Everyone needs to be met where they are and approached with kindness and purity in their heart. Your personal line can be drawn where it needs to be drawn but, do not presume to draw the lines for anyone else. They will draw their own lines where they see fit without your judgments.

Being told you are in a toxic relationship will not help if that is not how you see it. Nor will it change anything until your line of toxicity is crossed! You will need to be met where you are, as well. And you will respect those that do exactly that. Tolerance and acceptance are useful tools when encountering what you deem toxic in others. Take into consideration what another may see, as well, for you can only change your individual situation.

War & “The Slap”

“At your highest moment, Be careful because that is when the devil comes for you”

Will Smith quoting Denzel Washington

There was a meme I saw that said, “If it wasn’t for the slap, I would never have known the Oscars happened”. That is exactly how I feel since there were more important issues to deal with. I’m sure ratings were low, now they can catch up with YouTube views.

I’ve really been bothered that the news has been filled with violence, lately. It’s like that’s the only thing that gets our collective attention.

Anyone else see the irony of a publicly televised slap in the face taking over the media from coverage of a war? There are powers beyond our imagination at work here and, that scares me!

I have been unable to sleep well since this war in Europe started. When there is discord, the entire world feels it. Even if they don’t talk about it, the people feel the energy. So when something major goes on, we all feel it but, we allow distractions more easily. It’s almost like no one is meant to be connected anymore. An emotion-filled reaction to a slight on his wife covered brilliantly by many cameras could not have been choreographed, right? That sort of shock to the system is enough to wake us back into our numb slumber and put our collective souls back in stride with normal consumerist tendencies, like fighting over whether it was deserved or not. So, was this attack on the Ukraine deserved? Bombs are bigger than an open hand, people.

I suppose I just had to vent and get my opinion out, but there is relevance to my rant; the sadness that comes across me when I see how juvenile this world really is overwhelms me sometimes. I truly feel that we, as a people, should be more aware of how the media is used to manipulate us. Simply ask the question; why?

To be clear, I do not have the answers. I am a seeker of truth. There is always an underlying factor and the rabbit hole is always deeper than we can imagine. It just depends on how much we can stand to know. That is where our personal information line stops. I keep going until my sense of reality is challenged, just as everyone else does. But, when I begin to ask “what if that is the case?”, that’s when I know I am ready to grow! Seeing the possibility within the probability is a quality I know humankind has. There would be no scientists or inventors without this factor.

That being said, I am disappointed but not without hope. Mankind is young, yet, and still learning. It is never too late for truth.

Chocolate milk & Oreos

I just turned 49 and my body is doing the most odd things. They’re tiny, unimportant things but, bothersome in that they’ve never happened before.

The craving of chocolate has always been during menstruation times; right before or during. I have never had cravings 3 days after it ended!

Cannot get enough!

The thought occurred to me that my fluctuating hormones simply don’t know what time it is. My period comes regularly every 3 months now since the year (2021) started. I am positive it will no longer visit me soon.

As the year comes to a close, I am thinking of my future. Excitement fills me when I realize that I will be unhindered by this female burden. Simultaneously, I am brought to the new light of new aches and pains.

I guess give and take comes into play… 🥲

These little things are very busy creating a new me. I’ve always thought I was just fine as I was. I am realizing, now, that I could use a little tweaking.

It seems that the world is changing within and without, for me! I am glad change does not frighten me. What was once beautiful is still beautiful in another form. Another light shines where one was thought to have gone out. Peace, prosperity and fruitfulness lies ahead! I simply must practice patience.

I only hope to help others find solace in their own personal changes. Be at peace and learn this new you coming forth!

Happy new year!

Start off by creating beautiful habits

Starting the new year on better footing is always a great idea and sets the tone for how you want the end of this year to look. It is also the culmination of the learning experiences of years past. Have we grown or are we stagnant?

The best of opportunities and blessings in the coming year for all who are reading this!

🤓🙏🏽☮️

Coping with pain while trying to remain an active parent

www.practicalpainmanagement.com/patient/resources/pain-self-management/parenting-chronic-pain-under-lockdown

The times are rife with creative and imaginative methods of coping. We have a variety of pain, stress, fear and isolation issues to deal with while trying to shield our children from experiencing too much of it, themselves.

While doing some research on my desired focus, I came across this very potent article. I thought I would share for its relevance and remark on it at a later time. Feel free to discuss, please.